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Ok. I will be the first to admit that I have a bit of a selective hearing problem. HOWEVER!!!  In my defense I can usually recollect what was said to me if reminded. I said usually…..

Here’s the thing.  I can’t speak for all men, but from societal norms I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that I am not the only man to experience this. And I am not the only man to have my selective hearing called out by a female. In my case however working with majorly women, I get it with the double whammy.  One minute I’m  having a discussion regarding lifestyle choices, next thing I know, my selective hearing leads me to a public altercation with a coworker accusing me of saying she was overweight (those words never left my mouth!)

Here’s an example of what goes on in my head (scary thought) and why I tend to miss some things. Ever see the movie “Up” where the dog is talking and then suddenly sees a squirrel, and is completely distracted?  That’s kind of my head all the time. I’m always thinking about something. It doesn’t have to be of any real substance, but it’s a steady stream of random thoughts. When someone starts talking to me, SQUIRREL!!!  I have a real bad habit of hearing the first part of what was said and then it’s back to random thoughts. For example……

Hmmmm….that’s a nice pair of hiking boots. And that’s not a bad price either. I wondering if Cabelas carries them. Man, I haven’t been to Cabelas in a long time. I think the last time was college. Ah, college. Man I miss Ohio State and…..

Honey, I need some butter to finish dinner and we’re out. Can you go to the store and grab some?”

“Yeah sure sweetheart”

Where are my shoes?  Shoes…shoes…shoes, ok got shoes.  Where are my keys…

Oh, and get a 2 liter of Sprite.  Doesn’t that sound good with dinner?”

“Yeah!  No problem.”

“Are you going to forget?”

“It’s just two things. I think I can remember two things.”

Ok, butter and Sprite. Butter and Sprite….damn birds shit all over the car again. Why do I even bother to wash it. Oh look, the house up the road is for sale. Damn yip yappy dog. What the hell, I going straight, you’re turning left, I have the right of way. Butter and Sprite. Butter and Sprite. Butter and Sprite.  Man it’s cold. Can’t wait for it to warm up. Need to get out and get on the trails with the bike. Need to get the bikes tuned up for the season. Oh look, strawberries are on sale. Will have to tell the wife that. Butter and something….  Butter and….  Oh right, Sprite.  Got the butter. Ok. Now to the…woah, look at all the stuff on manager markdown!  Boxes of pasta for $0.49. Sold!  Ok. Checkout time.  I wonder when Star Wars is gonna be in the Redbox.  I should check Facebook before I get home. Seriously?  I’m gonna unfriend this person. Always complaining about the same stuff.  Ok, better get this inside so she can finish dinner. 

Hey honey.”

“Where’s the Sprite??”

“Damn…”

I have been guilty of the same thing while I’m at work as well. When conversing with a coworker on the events of the weekend, or what their kids are up to lately while I’m passing meds or trying to verify physician orders, I have found myself bringing up a related topic only to find myself saying, “We’ve already had this conversation before haven’t we?”
Ladies please, I cannot stress this enough. On behalf of men everywhere, we are not ignoring you. We are not disrespecting you. We are generally not that complicated. We hear you, we just didn’t “hear” you. The information superhighway of our brains at times reduces down to a two lane country road and there’s a tractor blocking traffic for miles. Some stuff is able to pass around the tractor on a straight away, other stuff gets stuck. It all arrives in the brain eventually, just sometimes not in a timely manner.

I hear arguments to the contrary when I attempt to explain myself…..”Aren’t you a nurse?  Don’t you have to retain like 40 million things in a shift?”

Yes, and when it pertains to nursing, I have my report sheet that at the end of the day is riddled with notes, scribbles, and chicken scratch that it resembles something my daughter draws on the random mail envelope with the pen that gets handed to her while Mommy or Daddy are trying to talk on the phone to customer service.

“If it were important to you, you would have taken the time to commit it to memory or have written it down.”

This is a Catch 22. One part refers back to the tractor on the country road, the other part is ego. I myself have been guilty of this numerous times. I think I can remember to get 3 things at the store. I’m not an idiot…….Dammit!  I forgot the milk!  This one gets me in trouble more often than anything else. It is a problem I know I need to work on, and knowing you have a problem is the first step to solving it!  And knowing is half the battle!


So in conclusion, please ladies, we are not trying to be insulting or manipulative. We’re not that smart. I have made the steps to improve; writing stuff down, keeping a calendar, creating a blog so that I can remember things that have been said to me.  Why do you think Santa checks his list twice?  Because Mrs. Claus wants to make sure he didn’t forget anything! (Badum Tsss!).

Now let’s all bow our heads for the Man’s Prayer…

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